28 Weeks & Old Habits ReSurface!

Yesterday I went to for my 28 week check up with my obstetrician. It was fantastic! My favorite part was definitely the ultrasound!! There is something so incredibly special about modern technology allowing you to see the little life that grows inside you before they actually arrive! I learned that my son is 16" and 3.2 pounds! How incredible is THAT?!! Here I was, all these months, worrying incessantly about my nutritional intake and thinking maybe he wasn't getting enough! LOL It turns out the average size of a 28 wk gestation baby is 14" and 2.2-2.5 pounds...so he is definitely absorbing a plethora of nutritients!

On the Flip Side ...

Old habits REALLY do die hard. I have absolutely been struggling with my habits, water intake and just adjusting to my changing body. It's so easy to say "ohhhhh don't be silly, you're PREGNANT! it's OK!" but unfortunately, my brain will then say it's NOT okay, pregnant or not and I then wrestle for a while. Before surgery, I wasn't really a "sweets" type person. I was all about breads, pastas, (sandwiches were my total favorite) and sure, occasionally I'd eat something sweet, but not much of it. Leading up to surgery you learn about the dredded "Dumping Syndrome" and I never paid much attention to it, after all, why should I ? I'm not at risk for eating sugary foods that would induce that issue anyway. WRONG! It's like someone has completely FLIPPED my taste buds all around. Sure, I still like sandwiches BUT oh my stars! I crave sweets like never before. I'm hoping that it's just a pregnancy thing because it is total TORTURE! I definitely indulge more than I should...and the worst part? I DO NOT DUMP FROM SUGAR! It really pisses me off that I don't. I actually WANTED TO! I was hoping it would teach me the harsh reality that it is NOT OK to eat that stuff. But, of course, my pouch welcomes it. I have substituted my cravings with fruit & Cool Whip but honestly, that doesn't always work. I guess my brain knows what I'm trying to do and just isn't falling for it. I definitely work hard at bypassing fast food restaurants. Sadly I still get cravings for those as well. And yes, I know which places my pouch will tolerate and which ones it won't. Thankfully it's only a couple spots, but it still is a fight. I really don't know what happened. In the beginning I never had cravings for "bad" things and to the contrary, my pouch rejected most foods unless they were organic and fresh from the Farmer's Market. Then, slowly but surely, I guess my pouch healed more and more and became more tolerant to "regular" foods. Once that began, the fat girl inside me just HAD to push the envelope and try new things from time to time "just to see". For instance: if I am out and about, I'll start thinking about fast food. I always have PLENTY of fruit & snacks (like protein bars) in my purse in addition to extra bottles of cold water. Yet, I still need to have a mental debate with myself and go over it again and again as to WHY I DO NOT NEED FAST FOOD! It's so exhausting. And it kills my self esteem. I really feel like my goodness I should be OVER THIS ALREADY! Geez. Plus, I gained these pissy little 3 pounds back so I'm at 287 again. This is my 4th month of teetering back and forth between 284-287. Again, YES, I know I'm pregnant. Yet, I struggled sooooo hard to get where I am, I just can't help but be fearful that I'm going to screw everything up and continue to gain and gain and gain and then never get it all off after Carlos is born, thus wasting time/money/efforts to get this surgery. I track my food intake, honestly, on MyFitnessPal. I'm SuperHumanC on there if you'd like to follow me. (I haven't figured out how to get a ticker on my blog yet despite being told how LOL) I've still got my Facebook page up ( facebook.com/TransformingWithBariatricSurgery ) so please, check those out if you haven't already. I'm just at a crossroad right now. Maybe it's because I'm tired today and that's why I feel funky. I don't know. OR Maybe it's the fact that the ENTIRE 20 minute drive home I had to re-assure myself I didn't need fast food and how it was unhealthy, why I wouldn't want to admit to that (because I'm listing EVERYTHING I put into my mouth on that app!) how dare I want to spend money (that I don't have!) on something so bad for me, etc! And again, I just feel like I shouldn't be doing these things. Anyway, I was cleared to do "slow, early morning walking" by my doctor yesterday, which I was super happy about. So, here is my picture I took this morning. I walked in honor of those affected in Boston's horrific bombings yesterday. What is this world coming to? smh Until next time...