Why Do We Have to Remain Quiet?

I learned some extremely valuable information last week. While I'm grateful to have been privvy to this info, it also really enraged me. There was a point in time where I was having phone conversations and swapping emails, as well as pictures, with my nutritionist. (She works for my surgeon) Since transportation was an issue for me and I wasn't able to get rides to see her in person (it was 3 hrs one way!) I was very grateful for her help via alternative options. As I'm sure you can tell, I was just as detailed about my daily regiment with her as I have been with y'all. I'm sure you can imagine my euphoria when I told her all about the liquid protein vials I had found to mix with my high protein powders to make my infamous "Super Protein" shakes. I was really proud of myself for being able to get in a full days worth of protein FOR BREAKFAST! I just knew I'd be a great rule follower! :) Thankfully, my nutritionist was excited and cheered me on! She wanted pictures of the liquid protein to pass this info onto other patients. Life was great! :) Little by little as time progressed, my hair started to fall out. Well, I read in this book "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" that at about 4 months post op this will happen to you if you're not getting enough protein. I just dismissed it because well...after all, I'm getting more than enough protein every day and even my nutritionist says I'm doing great! Since I found out I was pregnant, my communications began to diminish with my surgeon and nutritionist. I just feel like it's because they weren't happy with me getting pregnant just 3 months post op. I can't say I'm totally shocked. Not everyone is going to share in my joy! Now that we've moved to North Carolina, I had to (obviously) get a new obstetrician. Would you believe the doctor I was given is a bariatric patient too?!!!! How awesome is that?! And...she was pregnant soon after too. (So I feel better and less like a leper!) But, as I was telling her about my "Super Protein" breakfasts...she quickly stops to interject this vital piece of information: OUR BODIES CAN ONLY PROCESS ABOUT 20G OF PROTEIN AT ONE TIME, THEREFORE EVERYTHING OVER THAT IS BEING WASTED! I was taken aback. But, we kept chatting and then my boyfriend and I got to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time and forgot all about what I had just heard. After a couple days I was thinking about that conversation and it hit me like a ton of bricks: I HAVE NOT BEEN GETTING ALL THE PROTEIN I'VE NEEDED LIKE I THOUGHT...LIKE MY NUTRITIONIST ENSURED ! Then, as any mom would, I began "What-If'ing" myself: what if my baby has been harmed? What if there's a problem? What if I've really damaged my body? WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD MY NUTRITIONIST NOT KNOW THAT WHAT I WAS DOING WAS WRONG AND THEN "OK" IT AND LEAD ME TO BELIEVE I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THINGS? I'm currently awaiting for the results of the slew of blood work done last week. I just continue to feel like I haven't been given correct information and have been quietly guided away from all things that may not be POSITIVE and uplifting. But, guess what?! NOT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE POSITIVE AND HAPPY AND GREAT! There are always going to be downfalls, missteps and negative sides; to having weight loss surgery or ANYTHING you do in life. Why are we supposed to keep quiet about negative side effects? Why? As you can see I'm just extrememly upset. I don't understand. I just don't. It's not even about my hair. Yes, especially as a female, having long, thick, curly hair has been my "thing" ... so to now have bald spots, thin, whispy hair that's falling out in chunks daily isn't my perfect idea of reality but I DON'T WANT MY BABY TO SUFFER. However, I've been more diligent since last week to ensure I'm drinking protein every 90 minutes so I *know* my body is processing enough. It's just the previous months that worry me. Thankfully, my OB has assured me everything's going to be fine...but when you're pregnant, that doesn't really help. But I appreciate the effort! I haven't contacted my "nutritionist" because I don't think I can successfully write an email that can NICELY explain my findings without giving a tongue lashing. I am 150% positive a phone call is DEFINITELY out of the question. But, best believe in the near future I will be contacting her so I can teach her something new. Until next time...

Slackers Anonymous !

It's been such a long time since I last updated you guys, for that I'm sorry. My family's life has been flipped all around the past couple of months, thankfully for all POSITIVE REASONS. First, we were excited to learn that on 9/26/12 we were blessed with our first GRANDBABY! Here's a current pic of our grandson, Kamari. We love him so much!

As of 2 weeks ago I was 285 lbs! That's right folks, that is OVER 100 lbs LOST! :)

God works in mysterious ways! We had been planning on moving and were wanting to take a trip to Charlotte, NC to check out the city. Next thing we know, it's November 4, 2012 and...

YES! I AM PREGNANT! :)

Right now I am 12 weeks. On Monday I'll be 13 weeks, starting my second trimester! So far, everything is going well, THANK YOU LORD! I was really scared at first, since, my pouch hasn't been the nicest to me. However, your body knows what it needs to do! My surgeon advised me to eat every 2 hours. AND I DO! :) The morning sickness wasn't nearly as bad as it was with my son (who is super excited to become a big brother!) but it definitely kept me down some days. Thankfully it's lightening up the further along I get. Also on Monday I'll be having a check up with my new OB...I really hope we can get a sonogram. But if not, I know we'll get one soon! Oh, I almost forgot! Two days after Thanksgiving we moved to Charlotte, NC! Here is our gorgeous home:

It has 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and is 1800 sq ft! There is 3500sq ft of front & back yards. We just adore it here. The city is huge, we haven't even seen all of it and we've been here a month already! :) Anyway, now that we're settled, internet up and running and a working laptop I'll be able to keep the updates coming again :) I hope each of you have a HAPPY NEW YEAR <3 Til next time...

Compare & Contrast and my Famous Recipe!

Lately my friends have been begging me to give them an idea of what it means to be down (at the time 70lbs) sooooo here's my comparison shot as of last week:

The picture on the left was taken the day before my surgery, 7-9-12. The picture on the right was taken last week, 9-14-12. Big difference so far! I am glad I made this pic, it really helps me see how far I've come because I forget so quickly and get caught thinking about how much much further I have left to go. The reality is, I've lost just a smidge under 1/3 of my entire body weight! That's so fantastic! All of my HARD WORK is paying off! I'm exercising EVERY DAY! (Well, 6 days) Sometimes I'm doing it twice a day. I've built up to 4 miles each way...so I alternate. Some days I will walk 4 miles and go home to either a Leslie Sansone Walk at Home DVD, TurboFire Greatest HIITs (High Intensity Interval Training) from Beachbody DVD or 45 minutes of playing Just Dance on the Wii. Sometimes I will just walk the neighborhood twice and get in 8 miles that day...in addition to whatever errands I'm doing. Here's my awesome recipe I handed out to my Weight Loss Support Group this morning: Crock Pot Chili (feel free to tweak it to your needs, this is just a base!) Ingredients 1.5lbs ground beef 1tsp tumeric 1c chopped onion 1c taco seasoning 2 bay leaves 2tsp cumin 2tbsp chili powder 1tbsp minced garlic 1tsp salt 1tsp pepper 1tbsp paprika 1tsp red cayenne pepper 28oz canned tomatoes (your choice) 1 dash of red pepper flakes 1 can EACH: dark & light kidney beans, pinto beans & black beans Optional: various colored bell peppers, chopped Directions: *Tip: Spray your Crock Pot with Non-Stick Spray for EASY clean up! Brown the beef, add taco & other seasonings, then put into your Crock Pot. Add the rest of the ingredients EXCEPT for the kidney beans. Cook on low 8 to 10 hours OR on high for 5 to 6 hours. Stir occasionally. Add your kidney beans about 90 minutes before serving. ENJOY! :) (You can sprinkle cheddar cheese on top & add a dollop of sour cream!) Hope you have a great weekend! As always, THANK YOU FOR READING! :) Until next time...

10 Weeks Out & Haters Hating!

Hey everyone, my laptop is acting up, so that's why I haven't been on updating as much as I'd like. But, as usual, I'm full of pictures & stories! First of all: I am 10 weeks out and currently weigh 321; I'm down 66lbs! Here's how I looked on Sunday for my son's birthday party :)

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I just get SO DOWN on myself! This entire process is so hard, mentally and physically. No matter how much I try to keep positive, I still slip. Since I'm having a tough time with food, I have found myself feeling as though I should be seeing more results since I'm basically not eating yet exercising definitely 5 days a week, but usually 6 days. What I constantly forget is that the scale doesn't remind me of all the INCHES I'm losing off of my body. That's what's so complex about this entire ordeal. My clothes feel looser, some more than others, and yet there are some items that are tight 28's while I own 26's that are now falling off! Confusing! It's a matter of time before this is just a distant memory. Anyway, my body mass is completely different. In fact, I found some pictures on my digital camera that completely put it into perspective for me, I'll be putting those up soon! ;) Speaking of distant memories... I can't wait until I reach that "ideal" weight and am where I want to be so all the people who continue to talk bad about me behind my back while smiling in my face can REALLY stick my success in their juice box and suck it!

This is me tonight. I hadn't exercised this morning but I was fired up earlier after hearing some more MOTIVATIONAL WORDS from a friend of mine about a mutual acquaintance. Because once again, it's a family member that can't help but continue to spread rumors & say hateful things about me, it does hurt a little bit but I always suck it up and use it to motivate me to be better!Seriously, while I'm out walking, I think about all the mean & hurtful things people have said about me to keep me buzzing along! Anyway, I wrote myself a little sign and took it on my walk this evening! :) Here's the thing, I've been hearing that "easy way out" phrase again from multiple people. It never, ever will make sense to me how people can honestly believe that bariatric patients are taking the "easy way out". This isn't a diet. It's an entire lifestyle change. So while they can continue to try diets to compete with me, please remember that I can lose my fat but you can't get rid of the ugly in your soul! (Just sayin'!) This surgery is PERMANENT! It's not just a fad or phase I'm going through. I may not be a size 12 yet but the difference between me & them is I WILL DEFINITELY REACH MY GOAL...BECAUSE I AM DETERMINED AND THAT IS WHAT THIS SURGERY DOES!

If you are trying to start getting fit then please know that it's not easy, it definitely takes dedication and hard work. You have to be serious to get results! Once you get to that point where you HONESTLY are READY ... NOTHING CAN STOP YOU! I'm a perfect example: I have been trying to get this surgery since 2007. Granted, I had to endure some extreme changes (gave up my 5 bedroom house, my car, both my jobs and my comfort zone!) but I did it because ultimately I chose LIFE. Not just a new life for myself, but I wanted to live for my son and for every person around me who makes me smile or giggle. I want to be here to help others feel that incredible excitement of stepping on a scale and NOT wanting to break it! I'm definitely loving that cliche' saying "If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT!" but it's so apropos! ( ap-ruh-poh ; it means fitting, at the right time, to the purpose, opportunely ) I want to discuss something I've been going through. My eyelashes have been breaking & falling out and my hair is changing! When I was growing up, my hair was brown and straight. As I hit puberty, it became jet black and super curly. Most of you who know me would recognize me by my long, curly hair! Now, it's straightening out again. But it's in this in-between phase and is such a pain to deal with. I really miss my curls actually. So I find myself putting it in buns because I can't do anything with it. As for the eyelashes, I really don't know what to say about that. I've always had nice, long thick lashes. None of which I can identify with anymore. I don't know if this is related to the surgery or not. I really have no clue. OH that reminds me, next week I am going back to Augusta for another EGD so my surgeon can check my pouch and make sure there's nothing wrong with it. My nutritionist spoke to him about my emails asking for help finding foods I can tolerate. I didn't write her anything mean, just was being honest. I hope she didn't take them the wrong way. At least I'm getting it checked out though! Of course, I'll let y'all know what happens! Thank you for reading this. Thank you for encouraging me. You may not know it and I may not know you. But I watch the "views" and every time it goes up, it validates that I'm doing the right thing by sharing the REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES I am going through. So THANK YOU, you inspire ME. Final Thought:

Until next time...

6 Week Post Op Weigh In

Heyyyy! First up, let me correct a couple things: I went to see my surgeon back on 8-10-12 for my 1 month check up. It turns out my scale REALLY does hate me. It was wrong, sadly. At the surgeon's office, I was 340...not the 334 my scale had led me to believe! *grrrr* As usual, I broke out in tears. (Dr. Glass must think I am a TOTAL crybaby because he has YET to see me where I didn't cry at least ONCE during the visit! LOL) Anyway, he - once again - told me to STOP OBSESSING OVER THE NUMBERS ON THE SCALE! He has told me a while back to STAY OFF THE SCALE because it's going to drive me crazy from the constant fluctuation. Dr. Glass said that he has seen too many people throughout his years get caught up on the numbers and end up GAINING THE WEIGHT BACK because they try to tailor their eating habits based on what they think affects the numbers most...but usually end up being WRONG. Then he asked me, HOW MANY OTHER TIMES IN MY LIFE HAVE I LOST OVER 40LBS IN *ONE* MONTH? ...NONE! OK then! ;) Plus he let me know that the weight loss during the first year comes off in CHUNKS...I could have little loss then all of the sudden drop a LOT. It's all about patience. (Not my normal forte') Yesterday I went to see my PCP. I am proud to announce that I am no longer on ANY medications! (Ok, well, still on my anti-depressants & anxiety pills) I previously was taking 27 different medications and now I am only on 2! Woooooooo! My blood pressure was perfect and I weighed - for real this time! LoL- 334lbs! Here I am walking yesterday: I left the house at 7:30A! Today: (Love my headband!) I really ENJOY walking every morning! #POW!

I've really been feeling so accomplished about getting up every morning to exercise. I have more faith in myself. I really thought I wasn't going to adapt, but I am. I love feeling so empowered. Speaking of feeling good and empowered... This picture makes me happy....my baby kitty TINY! <3 It's a funky pic, but that's why it makes me giggle! Just wanted to share it LOL

*Random* I have been chewing a LOT of gum lately. This is my FAVORITE! You gotta try it :) YUMMIEST GUM EVER! Root Beer Float!

This is my soft foods list: I hope y'all can see it OK. Anyway, I was told on the 10th I could begin this diet for the next few weeks.

However, it hasn't been easy. Last week I struggled so much. My pouch was rejecting everything after just a couple times. I became very discouraged so I called the surgeon's office on Monday. It turns out, like I said yesterday (or was it Monday? LOL) that my pouch is pissy. I'm happy to announce that I was able to eat some EGG DROP SOUP last night and this morning for breakfast! :) I also ate an entire small egg yesterday for lunch. It might not sound like much, but hey, IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME. I've been so extremely concerned about becoming malnourished. Before I go, I'm going to share one last picture. Maybe I shouldn't, but I am so tickled pink with how good I'm feeling about my weight loss already AND THE PROGRESS I'VE MADE! I took a picture to show much smaller I truly am ALREADY!

Until next time...

I TOLD Y'ALL I WAS SPECIAL! :)

It turns out that yours truly happens to be one of the RARE FEW who get the Gastric Bypass and end up spending the rest of their lives with a MOODY POUCH! Yep! Since my follow up I have not been having success with soft foods. Thankfully I really enjoy protein drinks, popsicles AND yogurt. I called my surgeon's office today. I explained that I have been following my List of Approved Soft Foods yet, I can only eat the items once or twice and then my pouch rejects it by making me violently throw it up. I won't lie to you, (that would defeat the purpose of this blog!), I have ended up not wanting to continue to try to eat food. For every decision you make in life, whether positive or negative, there are always going to be unintended consequences. There is no way to predict who will have this rare complication. But, it's OK. I needed this surgery to live longer than a couple more years. I must burn that into my brain. This has been really difficult on me, mentally. I'm happy to report that my REAL HUNGER and HEAD HUNGER have magically disappeared. However, I do try to pay attention and make sure I'm drinking enough and trying to get in at least a little bit of food periodically. I don't wanna be "that girl" who was hospitalized for becoming malnourished. I'm drinking water, which has to be plain and room temperature most times, and taking my medicines and vitamins. It has really been an interesting journey thus far. Please listen and heed the warning when your surgeon/friends/support groups tell you that your palette is going to dramatically change. THAT IS TOTALLY TRUE! Here is an upside to continued not-eating : I HAVE SOME CURVE!

This was me the other day:

I'm feeling better about myself. Overall. But this new revelation is definitely stressing me OUT! Of all the ways for me to be "special" it had to be in a negative way! Ugh. I was told I'd just have to be careful the rest of my life, use trial & error with foods and eat whatever I can tolerate, enjoy it while I can and move on to something new when my pouch no longer likes said food. Oh, and immediate, random, unexpected bowel movements can happen at any moment too when my pouch gets upset, for no reason at all. (She is a total mean skinny brat!) This is a lot to take in. I know. I'm living it. However, at least I'm alive and will continue to be. I'm continuing to walk, here's a shot of me today:

The sun was in my eyes! Walking REALLY boosts my spirit. I feel so proud. I've been wearing make up the past few days. It makes me feel so beautiful. Even though I only have eyes for my man, I've been getting a lot more male attention already when I walk out the door. None of those compliments are anywhere close to the heartfelt ones my soulmate gives me. He is so amazing and so supportive. I can't believe God brought us together. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him. Until next time...

4 Weeks Post Op Weigh-In & Review!

Hello Again My Lovely Followers! Yesterday marked my 4th week "out" and I took some pictures to help reflect my current stage of loss. Amazingly the scale, my "fri-enemy", boosted my self esteem for the first time EVER by posting "334.6". That means I've lost 33.4 lbs since surgery four weeks ago and a grand total of 53.4 lbs lost since I began the liquid diet 2 weeks prior to my surgery. I am overjoyed! It hasn't been easy but nonetheless, I've lost a smidge over 50 lbs! I haven't been this "small" in ages! (Honestly, I really can't remember the last time) Now that is my new goal: I'd like to lost another 50lbs by the next month! Take a peek:

I definitely notice a difference in my face! It's a helluva lot smaller than it used to be. It wasn't long ago that looking in the mirror made me feel like Jabba The Hut. Yes, I'm serious! Here's how my stomach is looking: (The image on the left was 2 days post op and the right is from last week)The incisions are healing VERY nicely!

Before I forget, there are some other pointers I'd like to share with you and yes, I've taken pictures to help illustrate it for ya! :) I'm on a tight budget and I feel as if these surgeries aren't exactly catering to those with anorexic wallets. Here are some items I've found, relatively cheap, that help me get by. First up, as you know, you're going to be SURVIVING on PROTEIN ONLY for some time Pre & Post Op. My personal favorite is Body Fortress' various flavors which I found at Wal-Mart. A huge 2 lb. tub is only $14.97! This tub will last you about 2 weeks. Also, post op, you'll need to take CALCIUM for the rest of your life. I found that Vitamin World (in our malls here in Savannah BUT also online! just add ".com") sells LIQUID CALCIUM *CITRATE* (you can NOT have CARBONATE....ONLY CITRATE!) in various flavors for $10 per bottle. Each bottle lasts me about 2 weeks. Here's a pic of those items:

I had some fantastic and motivating pictures on my son's digital camera of my full body BUT of course, I can't seem to get them loaded onto the computer. Ugh. For someone so smart, I feel so damn dumb sometimes! ;) In the past 2 weeks since I wrote last, I've felt WONDERFUL. I've been getting up early and immediately going out to walk for 2 miles with my son each day! In fact, on Monday, Anthony went with us!

I started off only doing 2 miles. In fact, what I do in order to FORCE myself to walk that far is this: I walk up to the main road. It's an entire mile up. Once I'm there I know that if I want to get home I have to walk my big ass all the way back! Once I get home I'm so PROUD of myself for completing two whole miles! This past Sunday I decided I was going go a little bit further. One of the side streets happens to add an extra half mile to my trip. So now I'm walking 2.5 miles everyday. I can't thank my guys enough for their constant support. It REALLY helps me stay positive and motivated to know they (as well as my FB family!) are all standing by rooting for me! Roman is walking with me as well. I have always wanted to be that awesome role model for him in the fitness department; better late than never! :) On Friday I am going back to Augusta for my One Month Check Up with my surgeon. I'll be OFFICIALLY allowed to eat food! Not much food, just some soft foods. Honestly, I've already started on that. In fact, early on, when I talked about being hungry, it's true I was. But now, I'm getting used to my new feelings and my new pouch. When I feel hungry, it's not that same old hunger feeling I used to get. I will nibble on some - get this!- FAT FREE cottage cheese! I used to HATE FF cottage cheese and now, IT IS HEAVENLY! It's so wild how much our taste buds really do change post op! Anyway, I nibble on 4 oz. and feel satisfied and full. Not the "OMG-I'm-gonna-barf" type full, but an "OK-I've-had-enough-I'm-good!" type full. It was really hard at first to learn that I have to eat and drink SLOWLY...in SMALL amounts. Those are things you definitely want to train yourself to do BEFORE SURGERY! (Yes, they tell you that but I am stubborn!) I love, love, LOVE to drink WATER! Especially with LOTS OF ICE! I love ice! :) However, I can't enjoy my giant cups of water that I'd guzzle down like I'd just been rescued from weeks in the desert. I can only have a couple sips here and there. Sometimes I still chug a few sips at a time to quench my thirst and then my pouch will push out a very unlady-like burp with a side of pain to remind me I can't treat her that way. It's true, your pouch REALLY DOES talk to you! So be kind! :) The schedule I've got myself on now is this: It seems as though every 2 hours my pouch is asking for something to nibble on. Yes, I've timed it, so I'm sure it's every 2 hours. I am still drinking my protein. But, it totally sucks. I'm so over protein drinks, it's not even funny! I bought a couple cans of the Starkist Tuna (yes, it's worth the extra money for the name brand, I totally understand the difference now!) which has 15g of protein in every 2 oz! Of course, I had mixed up 4 oz of tuna with some mayo & mustard in my little cute container! Surprisingly, I was able to SLOWLY eat all of the tuna and it held me over VERY NICELY until 2 hours later! LoL Then I ate my other 4 oz that this one can had produced. I also bought some chicken in the can. I've never had that before, so I'll let y'all know how it goes. The cottage cheese is still my favorite thing to eat. It doesn't make me thirsty. Tuna doesn't make me thirsty either but mentally I feel like I SHOULD be drinking after, so that's a side effect I don't like. (But man-oh-man was it heavenly!) I'm really proud of myself for learning how to slow it down on eating and drinking. I suppose it just is going to take TIME to adjust. What can I say? I'm an instant gratification type gal. I want everything to be perfect and IMMEDIATELY DAMN IT! LoL But, overall it's coming together nicely. OH! Remember when I wrote last time about being dizzy and nauseous? Guess what was causing it?!! I WAS DEHYDRATED! I really felt like I was drinking enough but apparently I wasn't. So please, please, please FORCE YOURSELF to take a couple sips EVERY 2 MINUTES while you are awake! Yes, you heard me! EVERY 2 MINUTES! Also, when I got sick and kept throwing up, that was caused my an over production of acid that had built up in my pouch! So...it turned out that I'm (as well as every other bariatric patient too!) supposed to be taking PRILOSEC OTC *EVERY DAY* for at least the first couple years post op! You can also get the GENERIC WAL-MART BRAND, but this is what I bought:

MAKE SURE YOU CRUSH UP YOUR PILLS VERY, VERY WELL! Anyway, I'm on Cloud 9! My whole life has turned around for the better in the past month. I used to take over 20 different medicines every day (most 2x daily!) now I take just 2...and I'm sure once I go back to my PCP that number is going to DROP! My blood sugar levels are NORMAL! They have been in the 80s- low 90s since surgery! I can't tell you how much I enjoy NOT taking insulin injections anymore! My blood pressure was 112/62 yesterday! My clothes are all super loose! Most importantly, I feel accomplished and proud of myself. I was scared and unsure of this decision and now I'm positive I made the right choice. Yes, there are going to be good days and bad days. But, EVERYONE HAS THOSE! If you're considering this surgery (or any of the other types of bariatric surgeries) please don't let my honesty of the pitfalls I've encountered scare you away. At least you know what to watch out for! ;) You will meet people who are going to try to change your mind about this surgery. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM! Your surgeon will NOT perform a surgery like this if you DID NOT NEED IT! This is not like getting a new pair of breasts! No one REALLY needs a new pair of perky boobies, they just WANT them for whatever reason they have. (Which is fine!) But these types of surgeries SAVE OUR LIVES! We *need* them to survive. So here is an awesome quote from an incredibly sexy man I adore:

Until next time....