Whoah!

For months I have attended Weight Loss Support Groups. Each one was really wonderful and I truly am glad that my insurance made it a requirement in order for me to get the surgery. HOWEVER... As each day passes there are things I am learning together that I was NEVER aware of prior to this surgery. For example: Everyone tells you (doctors included!) that post op, hunger is a thing of the past! I'm here to tell you THAT IS BULLSHIT! On my fourth day I was experiencing real & true HUNGER. No, it was not the "head hunger" I've come to learn about. "Head Hunger" is where you THINK you're hungry but you're really not. Yes, I've had some of that too. But since my 4th day post op, I've had real, live HUNGER. Granted, it wasn't the raging, oh-my-goodness-I'm-starving-I-must-eat-right-this-second-or-I'm-gonna-die hunger...but it was still HUNGER. I realize I sound like a total fat ass already being hungry but guess what? I'm not the only one! Also, no one tells you that you're going to have buyer's remorse! There have been several days (today included!) where I can't help but feel like "oh my goodness I've made a giant mistake that I can't take back". There are so many unintended consequences that come with this radical decision to alter your body's organs...most of which I have yet to encounter. But still, no one warns you of days like this. There's no amount of books, or classes, or conversations with your surgeon that can fully prepare you for life AFTER surgery. God will look out for you though. He brought me a new friend, Gracelyn, whom I met at the hospital. She had her surgery the day before me and we were neighbors! We began talking when we'd bump into each other during our walks through the halls. She's so sweet and best of all: SHE MAKES ME FEEL NORMAL. I haven't been feeling very "normal" since I got home. (Not that I really know what the hell "normal" is anyway but I know it's not this!) It's so wonderful to have someone you can talk to who truly understands EXACTLY what you're feeling and going through on a daily basis. Check this out: I've been feeling extremely nauseous the past few days and haven't been able to drink much protein. In fact, yesterday I only managed to drink 2 oz. of protein and 14 oz. of water. Part of my problem was yesterday out of nowhere the taste of strawberry I previously loved was now absolutely REPULSIVE! Today I tried to force some down since that's my only source of food and yes, I was hungry. As I learned from watching another bariatric patient, you can become VERY malnourished quickly, so skipping protein is no bueno. Anyway... All day long I've been battling this sickening nausea and while I wasn't able to drink any protein, I kept water down fairly well. Tonight after I finished cooking dinner for my boys, the nausea was so overwhelming I began to gag yet trying to stop it from happening. Nothing came up since my pouch was empty, but nonetheless, I was actually throwing up. About 15 seconds later, once I caught my breath, the PAIN started! I don't mean pain like you've stubbed your toe, this was excruciating-I-think-I-just-broke-my-pouch type pain! I tried to calm down and hope it'd go away but it continued to escalate. I was shaking, sweating, HURTING in the middle of my chest that radiated all the way to my back and up in between my shoulder blades. I tried to call Gracelyn to ask her what she thought I should do because I was scared. I got two words out and next thing I know, vomit just comes up out of my mouth without warning. Great, now I've ruined my clothes and bed sheets. I managed to get the on call doctor at my surgeon's office to call me. That wasn't too helpful; she said it could be any number of things. Maybe I'm having a bad case of acid reflux, or my gallbladder is giving out, or my body is rejecting the surgery just to name a few. The possibilities are endless. I continued to try and calm down and once again call Gracelyn to tell her what the doctor said and how I was feeling. Guess what happened? I'm in mid sentence and more VOMIT comes rolling back out. I run to the sink and more and more vomit (it was actually mucus, thick ugly mucus) came up and magically 95% of the horrendous pain I was experiencing had VANISHED! I chose not to go to the ER as the doctor said since that pain had pretty much subsided. I'm not allowed to drink anything but water. So...no "food" (protein!) until after I travel back to Augusta on Friday to have my first follow up with my surgeon. All I can say is this: THANK YOU SO SO MUCH GRACELYN FOR STAYING ON THE PHONE WITH ME TONIGHT FOR TWO WHOLE HOURS TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AND REASSURE ME THAT WE BOTH MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE BY GETTING THESE SURGERIES! I don't know what I would have done tonight if I didn't have her to talk to me and tell me she had been experiencing similar things and that I was OK and normal. I can't help but wonder, which I also brought up to her, WHY WERE THESE ISSUES NEVER BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION BEFORE? How come no one ever told me there'd be days like this? Everyone tries so hard to make you think it's going to be easy to go through with this decision and once you go home it's all peaches and sugar free cream! THAT IS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT! If you're thinking about getting any bariatric surgery you need to STOP AND THINK LONG AND HARD about whether you REALLY wanna do this or not. Yes, I've lost weight ( 17 lbs in 15 days ) and I'm only one a couple medicines versus the upteen I was previously on. However, there's many things I'll never be able to do again...for the rest of my life, I can only NIBBLE at food. Will that satiate me? Sweets are gone, history, FORGET THEY EXIST. Yes, you can have sugar free things, but who doesn't love the occasional piece of birthday cake, or a cupcake?! Juice, no more juice. Or the fact that it's going to be difficult mentally & even physically to cook dinner (all your family favorites!) for everyone else but you can't touch one bite! Day after day this will happen because your family can't just stop eating like you are! Anyway I won't bore you with anymore examples, because those too are endless. I'm not trying to discourage anyone from the surgery however, I just want to bring some awareness to some real world feelings and issues that have been hidden from most of the people I know who are on this same journey. I just had to share my day. Thanks for reading it, if you made it this far! ;) I'm keeping my head up, tomorrow is going to be a better day! Until next time...